And i was sitting in my testing room, laying my head on my research book, Flowers for Algernon, as I had an epiphany; I'm a very controlling person, sheesh. And it's breaking me down. So I decided to dig down a little deeper and see what is really wrong right now and why I feel the way I do. I think my sadness is indirectly related to being dumped, but directly related to the fact that I feel like I lost control of my emotions. It's as if I handed them over and said "here, do whatcha want, but be careful because they're sorta fragile." Maybe I should emphasized fragile, a little bit more. I HATE change, with a passion and I'm thinking my anger/sadness, is contained in this change. I feel like I can't force the situation to go my way, therefore I have lost control. It's the craziest feeling in the world, I was trying to think of how to describe it and all i could come up with was.... sitting in a roller coaster, as it reaches the top and fear builds inside of me, then it begins to drop...faster and faster, and the seat belt breaks. Then the bars suddenly fall off and I can't grip on to anything. It's nauseating. I think I might fly out at any moment, and the person operating the roller coaster determines whether I live or die. How inconvenient? lol. Hmm, I wish I wasn't a control freak, but it can have its benefits at times. As for right now, I'm hoping I can jump off this roller coaster soon! :]
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