I can't help but replay this conversation over and over in my mind that my boss had with me. It's not a big deal, but my feelings are fragile and shatter at the slightest criticism.
Shannon: "Allie, I don't know what was wrong with you, maybe you were sick or tired, but there is absolutely NO sitting during a party."
Me:"I'm sorry Shannon, I just had a blister, and needed a minute to recoup, I thought it was okay since they were just singing karaoke"
Shannon: "Wellllll then you need to let us know so we can replace you, Right now I have megan doing everything and I'd like to make you a lead, like Megan, because I know I can rely on her. I know you're phenomenal, but I need 110 %...."
I just can't stand to be compared to her, after all, I was the one who taught her how to style hair and do the dances. Plus I obey the rules and actually respect everyone, not just the manager. I know it should be enough that I know I am doing the right thing, but its not.
Why does it bother me so much? It's only a small portion of my life. I try to think of something else then I hear her talking to me again. I want to wrap duct tape around my thoughts. I can't be perfect. I try so hard, yet I'm constantly the target. Waiting for someone to hit bullseye and let me tell you, no one ever misses. I hope my insecurity will fade with experience. I guess 17 years just isn't long enough. So I'll keep waiting...
Shannon: "Allie, I don't know what was wrong with you, maybe you were sick or tired, but there is absolutely NO sitting during a party."
Me:"I'm sorry Shannon, I just had a blister, and needed a minute to recoup, I thought it was okay since they were just singing karaoke"
Shannon: "Wellllll then you need to let us know so we can replace you, Right now I have megan doing everything and I'd like to make you a lead, like Megan, because I know I can rely on her. I know you're phenomenal, but I need 110 %...."
I just can't stand to be compared to her, after all, I was the one who taught her how to style hair and do the dances. Plus I obey the rules and actually respect everyone, not just the manager. I know it should be enough that I know I am doing the right thing, but its not.
Why does it bother me so much? It's only a small portion of my life. I try to think of something else then I hear her talking to me again. I want to wrap duct tape around my thoughts. I can't be perfect. I try so hard, yet I'm constantly the target. Waiting for someone to hit bullseye and let me tell you, no one ever misses. I hope my insecurity will fade with experience. I guess 17 years just isn't long enough. So I'll keep waiting...
1 comment:
That does make you upset. It's not like the kids care if you are sitting or standing. But yes, insecurities will fade-17 years isn't long enough, but I don't think they will ever go away completely. People will notice how well you do things, and you will be blessed for doing your best. Oh if could tell you how many times I've been blessed, and how many times I've equally felt that I was all alone and doing all I could do, yet I didn't feel blessed, but the Lord knows you and knows you are doing your best and He will bless you Allie!! Tucker and I love you! (Adam too, Tuck and I are just sitting here together on the computer.) klkjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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