I don't belong here.

On monday, we did a questionnaire that enabled us to meet everyone in the class. There were questions like "can you touch you tongue to your nose?" or "were you born in dallas?". We were required to go around and ask others to sign their name by the question that they qualified for. Most everyone could do something someone else could, but when we went over the questions as a class, the teacher asked "who all is in the top ten percent of their class?" I was the only one who raised my hand :] Dang did that feel awesome.

Now let's backtrack to earlier that morning in first period. Precal. The teacher spoke and wrote down notes for us to copy into our spirals and explained it quite thoroughly... well according to everyone else. I sat there the whole class period and felt as if everyone knew I didn't understand it. I could feel myself sticking out, with burning cheeks and the most baffled look on my face. How did everyone know what they were doing? The teacher was speaking some foreign language to me. "Example number one find such and such." ....60 seconds later."Who has the answer?" EVERYONE BUT ME! what the heck? I don't belong here. My brain just doesn't work like that. I want the answer to be my own. Not what the text books want. Let me make my OWN math problems. Put me in English class where you can be as broad as you want...better yet put me back in kindergarden where you get credit just for trying your best. Whatever happened to "E" for effort??

Our surroundings have an astonishing affect huh? Well at least for me. They make me feel dumb, embarrassed, awkward,overwhelmed or even smart. They rattle with my emotions and self-esteem. Comparison is such a peculiar thing. When I compare myself to someone who is more intelligent than me I get trapped in this mindset that makes me feel so locked up.Often it makes me afraid to speak to them because I don't want to make a fool of myself. Then other times I flip flop places and I'm the "smarter" one. More like I've applied myself more to that area than someone else. It's just like two completely different worlds. I don't know where I'm going with this, but it's just kinda how I've been feeling this past week. I'm glad that my precal class balances out my speech class so I don't become to egotistical. haha.